Boundary Warning Labels
Boundaries is a topic a lot of smart people-
Professionals-
Talk about.
They tell you what they are,
How they work,
How to make them and even enforce them.
The warning label that comes with them is often:
You must stay firm, because people in your life will push back against boundaries once you start applying them in real time.
Thing is-
You aren’t supposed to question the boundaries during that period.
Define them, communicate them clearly, then follow through ...
That’s the rule....? Right?
It is about there,
That the real struggle kicks in.
Definitely if you are a people pleaser.
Someone once told me:
“I found out, it’s okay to nap in the middle of the day”
I smiled...
“Maybe in your world, but I’ve got stuff to do” smug thought.
But I guess the definition of “relapse” for an addiction- is going back to the way you were...
Or resuming the behaviour or habit you were working to overcome.
So for a workaholic,
Relapse looks like going back and over identifying with your work, justifying it somehow -
By calling it:
“Being productive with your time”
The thing about working in the care industry-
Is everyone involved is a human.
Humans don’t seem to much like other humans boundaries-
It’s easier to demand your own be respected, while trampling over others.
Everyone seems to have them all Willy nilly-
Yet,
No one really wants to talk about what they are- not directly.
We call them “triggers” or “trauma”
Antecedents -
Starting points for a cascade of boundary violations.
Add to that-
The drive to provide others with Quality of Life as a Service.
Since Quality looks different from all angles-
A workaholic in that situation might look like a juggler with others lobbing objects at them.
It’s only comical in retrospect-
Because if someone did not see the objects-
That juggler becomes a fool swatting at invisible bugs wildly-
The hours spent going over and over an event, trying to extract any lesson that would bring about a better outcome if adjusted.
That could look like a shuttering and jittering dancer, without a drum beat in the background.
And somehow- getting to the point where you actually personalize the results.
That’s the mad scientist- turning himself into the fly.
Over-identifying with the work:
Until the work is you,
And you are the work.
Madness-
Boundary violation and full relapse.
Boundary work should probably come with a full warning label.
Do Not Attempt Alone.
Form a good foundation and do frequent check ins.
I fail miserably in this department-
Never wishing to “be a bother”
Yet “bothering” all in the wrong direction.
Having boundary behaviour around asking for help,
And building a support system...
I’m not sure which step that falls under.
Breathe in:
1 Thing at a time.
Breathe out:
But by Grace go I.
-E