I was today years old when I found out I was a perfectionist.
Denial is a state- I guess...and I’ve lived all over.
Brené Brown is great, in my opinion-
Super smart and has a way of pointing things out that I swing towards.
But as I sat, processing her explanation around perfectionism-
I was like....
“Oh snap!”
I thought perfectionism was around appearance and home maintenance.
Like the people who stand upright and get their nails did-
The farthest thing from my rag-tag jeans and plaid get up.
My hair lazily French braided and not a spot of make up to be found.
I’m a cyclone cleaner- never the “clean as you go” sort... so anywhere I’ve been is like a Russian roulette of clean or messy- and sometimes a good mix of both.
Perfectionism in cleaning- I think not.
Yet----the revelation of perfectionism being in the unwavering personal brow-beating.
The “shoulda-woulda-coulda” of constant self-examination leading to high levels of worry and anxiety....that doesn’t sound like a spotless kitchen...
The constant state of needing to “get it right”...
And all the self-deprecation a person could dream of.
Being always “okay”.
...doesn’t sound like tidy bedrooms and dust-less Knick knacks.
People pleasing.
Blurry boundaries.
Resentment after the “yes” that should have been a “no”....
But I couldn’t justify a no....so......
These “perfectionism’s” were not on my “known” list of suspects.
Finding out that perfectionism might not look like a check list of specific OCD tics-
But may show up looking like:
Hunched over a notebook for hours trying to figure out the best formula for effective staff communication...
Geez.
I didn’t know that a perfectionist might look like me.
Talk like me.
Walk like me and show up like me.
Nor, did I recognize the damage it could do.
I thought worry was a healthy thing- as long as you used it productively...
It never occurred to me, that striving for “better” could be as equally damaging as not trying hard at all.
I suppose, like any extreme-
Perfectionism has some sort of middle ground.
A mash up of other samples and products...
Maybe.
Welcome to my Blog-
I’ve been meaning to properly organize myself to write a book...
Probably for years.
I hope you will join me for this adventure of learning, living, growing, messing up-
Combining lyrics, poetry, movie quotes and socially non-specific ramblings.
Take good care
-E
