“Loneliness is a disease”
My client said this for likely the third time in 5 minutes.
They had a way of repeating, which is fine since I likely do too...
Yet her repeated statements usually looped with the entire context of it-
Picking back up at the beginning within seconds of it ending.
Since a history of health care formed their foundation-
I was often fascinated by the wealth of information...
So, hearing it again wasn’t any sort of bother.
“We need this;
“Human to human connection.”
“Yea?” I encouraged them, the next part was awesome.
“Loneliness hurts the heart, blood pressure, nervous system. We need connection to survive as much as exercise. Good exercise, done together.”
They went on to explain how they would go “elbow-to-knee” with a group.
The memory seeming to light up their whole presence.
“If we are lonely, we turn on tv. Radio. Something to distract, read... I used to read a lot!”
I nodded.
“But that is just empty substitute. We need human to human connection. You sit with me, I sit with you...”
I smiled at them.
Pause....reset.
“Loneliness is a disease”....
I have been talking to my cousin once or twice a week for roughly 1600 days.
That’s about 4 years.
We rarely have missed a week...
Even though our in-person visits barely make a handful....
It’s a sort of connection that supports and helps growth.
Her main thing over the years, from my perspective- has been about dignity and respect.
Being treated with dignity and respect, while learning what it is to treat others with dignity and respect.
Our connection has weathered many a storm,
Relationships formed and ended,
Broken and mended.
She has taught me how to soften my language and define the words to be understood better.
Being a visual thinker with words being descriptors for me...
I have often struggled with English that has only one meaning for people.
Yet, she is a person who embraces “proper English” and has helped me so much to understand how people use and hear words.
Also, soft spoken and non-judgmental in her word usages,
She has helped me form many a “script” to better express the images I am trying to relay.
Quite often over the years,
I have simply enjoyed listening to her.
How she frames things.
How she develops a story and the pathway it takes.
We share Neurodivergence and Sensitivity as a common ground.
Both of us with spiritual beliefs that define us:
without the traditional context of dogmatic religion or “New Age” spirituality.
It’s better talking to someone who understands the emotion and feel of a thing.
We can fumble around together, making sense of a situation and pounding out the facts from the feels.
When someone can help you question your belief system without causing all your defences to go on high-alert....that’s a keeper.
She has been the best sort of therapy and healing space.
Somewhere along the way,
I allowed the world to convince me I was a prickly person.
Lindy helped me to realize that simply wasn’t true.
Only a prickly exterior protected the soft, liquid space, within.
A response more than a reality.
The difference between “being” as a personality trait-
And “being” as a triggered state and trauma response.
Was I lonely before....?
I dunno.
I am so blessed with people- family, friends.
Somewhere along the way, it mattered more for me to care for others...
And I guess that made me lonely in a different sort of way.
Not lonely for companions-
But lonely for connection.
If loneliness is a disease....
It must have a cure.
Maybe going “elbow-to-knee” in a shared exercise of stretching outside of your comfort zone with a connection.
There are others connections I formed over the last 4 years-
More than I have lost, actually.
Yet, it is the connection with Lindy-
Those weekly and bi-weekly calls,
That taught me how to treat those other connections with dignity and respect.
To hold space,
Be vulnerable.
Tuck the prickles away and notice when they come out.
Sharing that connection slowly eases the sharp trauma responses, delaying them long enough to get curious about them.
Knowing that deep acceptance exists for you-
Healing the cancerous self-doubt, self-rejection and broken boundaries.
Oh,
But it also taught me to recognize better when I am not being treated with dignity and respect.
To notice when I allow my boundaries to waiver,
When I people-please to the extreme of self-denial.
I think maybe it takes only 1-
To make that “tribe” of 4 or more come together.
If Human to human connection is a “need”...
My cup runneth over.
It is easier to heal a disease with the proper tools and supports.
Opportunities.
It is my privilege that I get that chance, choice....
To share it also.
If I can be a remedy....
To even one person.
...I would probably make an excellent personal Assistant.
It sorta ticks all the boxes.
I’ll have to think about that.
Take Good Care
